But i love suffering! It's true. Even decades after i consciously rejected the idea of holy martyrdom, i find a part of me still goes there when the chips are down. I have a strong desire for peace and grooviness and at the time a sense of some unspeakable sin that only great suffering can atone for. And so there is a degree of respect for outcasts, poverty, struggle. Triumph is great - as long as it's preceded by lots of adversity, right? Who likes watching a movie where everything's fine from start to finish. The characters wake up happy and eat cake and get married and grow old together and watch the sunset.
No, we want the excitement, the challenge. And that's normal, and even healthy from one perspective. But then there's rolling around in the muck, making the absolute most of our misery or pain. We wear our suffering like a uniform - how else would the other sufferers know we're a good person?
Living in this world, pain and loss are a given. But suffering is a choice. I can choose instead to accept the transitory nature of things. I can choose to drop the banner, take off the uniform and just stand there naked for a moment. Take a breath. The sin we've been trying to suffer away comes to light and vanishes. It was never there. There was always only Light. The Good, Lasting thing.
There's nothing to prove anymore. How strange!
Becoming present, we become the this goodness, this inner Light. It is true nobility. Holiness. It is the source of creative power, the well-spring of joy. It knows how to have fun, and laugh, and find beauty in all things. Tapped in to this, the struggle is over - that's why we can only stand it for a little while. But it grows on you. Life flows with ease, come on, how delightful! And this is really what the saints were pointing to.
So, suffering is fun. In a way. For a while. And then you want more. How long do we want to put off our connection with the sparkling Diamond-Light that we are? It's ours, for the taking, in this very moment.