During an especially low time a few years ago, when I thought I might have what some call bi-polar disorder, I seriously considered going on some kind of balancing pharmaceuticals. But I made it through the down-swing, and began to rise back up. Feeling stronger, I knew that I wanted to know how I was feeling – to listen to the pain and respond with a clear head. That way, I thought I had a chance of moving through stuff. Of healing.
I began to explore natural medicines like yoga, creative expression, meditation, exercise, and a balanced diet. These practices have served me well, and have led to even deeper exploration. I now have a “medicine chest” overflowing with techniques to address anxiety, depression, and more physical forms of emotional blocks.
One of the blessings of big highs and lows is, of course, the highs. I am able to experience blissful states, where I feel deeply connected with myself, others, the Universe…
But as lovely as the up-swings can be, I find myself more and more interested in the in-between times. The ones that used to feel boring. Or even threatening, in their unfamiliarity. Now they are growing, under my nurturance, into very alive moments. What once was skipped over as fast as possible is now seen to be where it’s all at. It’s the biggest secret, the best joke! Running around in circles for years trying to find love and answers, when all along, they’re right here. In this unassuming little moment that opens like a sun-blossom upon closer inspection.
Words like gentleness and balance are becoming very meaningful to me. I ask myself, when feeling low, “What would help me feel just a little bit better right now?” When feeling wonderful, I aim to simply rest in that, rather than grab on with both hands. I aim to just enjoy it, and allow it to come and go. When a craving comes, I know nothing but what I find inside me will really satisfy me now.
Maintaining balance requires awareness. Awareness requires letting go. Letting go requires trust. And trust… it comes a bit at a time, with practice.
If you’re on a path toward balance, just keep walking. The most exciting thing in the world is the ground that comes to life under your feet, and the journey that unfolds, one
“I relax my belly and inhale deeply, exhaling with a sigh. Through what looks like tangles and sharp edges, the spirit of gentleness moves like a breath, a kiss. Tight things unfurl, frozen things melt.
-from my Inner Diamond Gentleness card